Throughout history, there have been stupid ideas: invading Russia during the winter; communism; messing with Texas; Peter’s breakfast machine.

Well, Jerry Jones is–if you believe what you read on the World Wide Web–poised to roar into the Top 10 (again) by trading for convicted criminal and suspended Tennessee Titan cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones. Several sources around the NFL are reporting that the two teams have been talking for at least a week and a deal could be reached by the end of the month. The Cowboys would probably give up a late-round pick in this year’s draft.

One word: No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Infinity.

This may well be the most odious proposal I’ve heard since that guy at Six Flags tired to get me to play the Kitten Dunking Booth–with kittens in the booth and as the “balls” thrown at the target.

But, seriously, folks, acquiring Pacman is a stupid idea. Really, it’s just ignorant.

Since being drafted sixth overall out of West Virginia in 2005, Pacman has been arrested six times in three states. Overall, he has been questioned by police at least ten times for various criminal acts. He’s punched and spat on women. He’s been drunk in public. Once, he was stopped driving a vehicle with license plates from another car. He’s bitten bouncers. This doesn’t include his arrests from his college days (a fourth state), for which he is still on probation.

Of course, Pacman’s most notorious violence came during the NBA’s All-Star weekend in Las Vegas last year. At a nightclub party, Pacman “made it rain” with $84,000 as women danced on stage. However, in one of the most completely unforseen events of all-time, fights broke out when Pacman and his thugs–and every other person there–tried to pick all that money back up. Pacman and his goons punched some women, shots were fired, and one man was left paralyzed. The shooter was one of Pacman’s bodyguards, but Pacman has refused to cooperate with police, and the shooter remains at-large.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell suspended Pacman entirely last season, and it is unlikely, at best, that he will be reinstated for this year.

Yet, with not even a plausible hope of actually seeing him on the field–especially since Pacman just pled guilty to more charges in Georgia in February–Jerry is ready and willing to give away a draft pick for him.

For those two seasons he was on the field, many around the league considered him an elite cornerback, with a whopping four career interceptions, and punt returner. As much as the Cowboys need both, the answer is not Pacman.

It would be impossible, if he ever gets reinstated, to trust, or hope, that Pacman would ever stay out of trouble long enough to be effective. Pacman demonstrated just how much he’s dedicated to getting back to football by spending his suspension as a pro wrestler for TNA.

Look at the history: anyone who says Pacman will ever not be a criminal is a fool. Anyone who says he would be a postive addition to the Cowboys is a fool.

The Cowboys have been more than embarrassed over the years by criminal players. Now, with Tony Romo, Jason Witten, DeMarcus Ware, and Roy Williams (deficient player but good person), the team is creating a much different image from the teams of Michael Irvin, Nate Newton, Dwayne Goodrich, Rafael Septien, Larry Bethea, and Hollywood Henderson. (And, no, I’m not talking about the image of not winning a playoff game in 12 years).

Besides, Jerry isn’t too popular in these parts right now anyways, thanks to those $50,000 PSL’s in JerryWorld. If I’m paying that much, I sure as heck don’t want to take my kids to see an NFL version of The Longest Yard.

As ticked off as most fans are at the moment, if Jerry goes through with this, the only “pack man” he’ll need is some guy working for Bekins loading up the truck so Jerry can get out of town ahead of the mob.

Besides, Dallas jails are overcrowded as it is.